I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
