WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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