I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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