I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize