You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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