I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
