i permit you to call me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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