I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
