I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
