went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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