Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
