apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
