genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
