im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we made out on top of his cat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
