You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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