Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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