gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
