If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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