So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
