Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
