my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
