i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
