It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize