as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
