I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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