I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize