i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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