yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
