Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
