I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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