Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need moral support for this bender
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
