i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
