I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
