So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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