All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
