I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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