Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
