well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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