She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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