I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
