So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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