god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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