I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
