Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
