just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
as a side note pls kill me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
