Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
