After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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