Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
