dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my shit smells like andre
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
