apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
