I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
