i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
