Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
