Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
