yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
