I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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