I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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