Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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