awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
