seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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