Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
