We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
