My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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