I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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