Do you still have your period?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
