sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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